Dear Brynn

Dear Brynn,

So much has happened after you turned 5 months. I'd love to tell you all that has changed with you first. 

You are still sleeping through the night. You are teething now and sometimes that makes you very cranky,but other than that you are a sweet sweet baby who hardly ever lets out a real cry. You are so happy and full of smiles and laughter all the time, especially with your daddy. The moment you see him your whole face lights up and you give the biggest grin. 

Things you love::

Your tickle me Elmo

Your learning puppy

Playing in water! 

Walks in the stroller

Jumperoo time!

Your wubbanubs-these are pacifiers with a small stuffed animal attached to them. They look funny, but we don't leave home without them! 

You love to be nosey and need to see whatever is going on around you 

You love your puppy Bo-even though he pees and poops on EVERYTHING we still keep him around because he gets you excited and he lets you pull his hair really hard! 

You love putting things in your mouth- and i mean ANYTHING. Even hair. Especially Aunt Kari's, Courtney, and Kayla's. Their hair is really long and easily accessible. It actually looks very gross when you do this, but you get REALLY mad when we try and take the hair away. 

You LOVE Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. You smile and giggle when this comes on TV. This makes your daddy and I very excited because one day soon we will take you to Disney World! 

You love CoCo at your daycare. She keeps you giggling and smiling all day. There hasn't been a time yet that we have dropped you off or picked you up and you were unhappy. We know she takes great care of you. 

Things you don't love:

People trying to hold you facing their shoulder or chest EXCEPT for your aunt Kari and Uncle Brandon. They have some magic touch and you will let them hold you so your cheek is on the their chest and you go right to sleep. It's amazing. I think they give you something to make this happen but I can't prove it. 

You dislike being on your tummy for any length of time. This will change when you figure out how to crawl

You dislike teething. As do your daddy and I. 

We have enjoyed every single moment with you and we soak them up every chance we get. It never gets old seeing you do new things. You can now almost sit up by yourself although you are still very wobbly. I had my first big "mom fail" this month. As we were walking out of your room you leaned back and I didn't realize the door was not open very wide and you hit your head. It was terrible. I shed tears. You shed tears, but only for a moment. I am pretty sure you forgave me.  I just can't get enough of you my sweet baby girl. I am very protective of you and if it offends anyone I have lost my sense of caring about that because you come first. 

Now for the hard part. As I write this I know tears will fall and it will be difficult, but one day I know you will be more than grateful I did this for you. 

On the morning of July 15th, my granny (your great grandmother) passed away. 

We went to visit her several times while she was ill. She loved seeing you. You made her smile so much. You were "Bree" to her. I would say "Granny her name is Brynn" and even spell it out for her. She would say okay then call you "Bree" again. I quit correcting her because I just thought it was sweet that was who you were to her. 

She was a beautiful person inside and out, Brynn. She gave more than she ever received. She always made sure that her family wasn't without. She was a Christian lady that I aspire to be like. She never complained. She played the piano and organ beautifully. She had the best homemade biscuits. She could always make me smile and laugh. I miss her oh so much and wish she could watch you grow up. I will miss her "hey hun" as I walk through the door at her house. She lived a beautiful and happy life. 

On the morning of July 27th, your grandpa,Tom Kersbergen, passed away. This was sudden and very unexpected. We are still grieving so much. It is very hard for your dad most days, but he is so strong and you keep us going. Your grandpa loved you so very much. He was so very happy the day you came home from the hospital and he got to hold you in his arms. He loved his family more than we could ever imagine. He did so much for his family, the community, and his church. He served so many people and left impacts that will last a lifetime. I shared many conversations with him about life, God, and the changes that he had made. I learned so much from him even though I only knew him for 6 years. His bear hugs were the BEST. When he gave hugs, you were really getting the best hug ever. You knew he meant it and loved you. I will miss those hugs. There were many times that I needed them and he didn't even realize what that did for me. His cooking was AMAZING. 

He would have done anything in the world for you, my dear. He has the best seat in the house watching you from Heaven above today. Our goal is to raise you in such a way that would make him proud and reflect the Christian values that your father and I have. The day we had his funeral, I don't think anyone had a clue of the number of people he had an impact on. There wasn't a dry eye or a seat left unfilled. 

These two losses had me questioning God. I could not understand why this would happen to me or our family. I felt like we needed both of these people in our lives still. Why did God take them away? My sweet girl, in life there will be many times you wonder why things happen and you may even question God. I was reminded during these last few weeks that is is completely okay to ask God why. Remember to ask God why with open hands and not clinched fists. We should not be angry at God for anything He does because in ALL things, not some, but ALL things God works for the good of those who love Him.(Romans 8:28).  His ways are good and He will never forsake us no matter what shall come our way. He became present to me more so than ever these past few weeks. My faith has been taken to another level. I have seen God move in so many ways that will forever have an impact on my heart.  Although these two passings were extremely hard, God has a reason and through it so much good has come. His work is not done. He is still moving. My sweet angel, I want you to know that these two amazing people loved you so much more than you could ever imagine and are watching over you. In life, there will be hard times, but remember this:: Ask God to show up...to show you His face and glory...and He will... In BIG ways! No matter what shall happen, His love for you is steadfast and never changing. Your daddy and I will do whatever we can to teach you and show you that love. 

"Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted" -Matthew 5:4

Brokenness is the means in which God performs some of His deepest work within our hearts. A.W. Tozer once said, "It is doubtful whether God can bless a man greatly until he has hurt him deeply."

The LORD is near to the brokenhearted

and saves the crushed in spirit. (Psalm 34:18)

5 blessings!

I can't tell you the number of times I've heard my aunt Debra tell me to stop and think of 5 things I'm thankful for when I'm going through a rough time to remind me of the positive not the negative. Everyone goes through rough periods in life (some obviously rougher than others), but the devil loves to throw those hard times at us and watch us crumble. He gets joy out of seeing us sweat, questioning God, and falling into his traps. Where does it get me to say..."God, why is this happening to me?". It keeps me sulking, feeling defeated, not understanding, and frustrated. I know I'm also one of those people that say..."everything happens for a reason", but I sure do wish I knew that reason sooner rather than months or even years later.  

This past week it seems several frustrating things have happened to me, our little family, and some of the people around us. Yesterday, I had hit my breaking point. You know that point when your just D-O-N-E! I woke up and thought this day has GOT to be better, but nope it just got worse. I wanted to cry all day because of how overwhelmed I've felt recently. If I say exactly what has gone on, I know every one would think those things are so stupid and most people have it a lot worse. I totally understand that. This post is not to go on about how terrible I think things got. Even as I was working today, I thought my problems seem so small compared to theirs. I honestly tried to stay positive, but as I was walking out of work tonight I immediately called my aunt because I knew I needed a little pep talk, which is exaclty what I got. She just listened to my heart then said remember five things you are so thankful and blessed to have. I brushed it off and said I know I'm thankful for at least five things and I'm happy, but I'm just having a rough few days. 

After I got off the phone with her and had some time to think, I realized wow, this is exactly what the devil wanted me to do. Blow off those things that I should be overly thankful for and focus on the bad! So ashamed of myself I immediately started naming things that I was thankful for in my head. The list kept going way longer than 5 blessings! Then I began to reflect on a recent sermon I heard at church. I walked in the door and there was 2 of the biggest blessings I've ever received in my life. My amazing husband who was feeding our beautiful baby girl. The sermon was about the devil and how he tries to drift you away from the truth. While there are storms going on all around us...the sky has been blue the whole entire time. As if your going up in an airplane and its storming, but once you get above the clouds it's nothing but clear blue skys ahead. So my sky has been blue and beautiful the whole entire time, I was just too caught up in the mess that the devil created for me to notice it. 

The devil is good. Oh, he is realllll good. He knows just where are weaknesses are and if we don't even know what our weaknesses are then we are in trouble because we wont know what to look out for. 

But as I looked at that perfect little angel of ours- nothing else seemed to matter and all was right with the world. Tonight we heard her laugh ...not a coo or giggle, but the belly kinda laugh while she was in the tub and we were trying our hardest to make her smile. It was the greatest thing in the world. My heart immediately was just overflowing with joy. I am so thankful that my aunt reminded me of those first 5 blessings I should immediately think of when things get tough and that the worst circumstances in our life are working together for our GOOD  because He loves us. We should consider it pure joy to go through trials because he is strengthening our faith. 

I will end it with this quote from the sermon:: "Don't ever let what your going through make you forget who you are going through it with!". Everything is going exactly the way God wants it to and I am  gratefuul for that. I  know  there is a blessing underneath all the mess. 

3 Months and counting :)

I am a little late on posting my three month blog, but I've made notes along the way so it is much easier! 

This month I really found what works for you and for all of us a family. I've found ways to make things simple so that I get to spend more time with you. We have accomplished so much in this short month baby girl. The biggest milestone for you is sleeping in your crib and all through the night! You are much happier and so is mommy and daddy. Daddy kept saying when she is ready she will do it so I continued to try and one night you did it! We were so proud. We do the same routine every night and it works great. I try to not deviate from that routine because I dont want it to mess up your schedule. Believe it or not we can tell when it messes up how the rest of your day goes. When I walk into your room in the morning without fail you look up to me and give me the biggest grin in the world and it melts my heart! After your morning bottle you will sometimes go back to sleep and snuggle with me and I cherish those moments so much. 

One of the biggest struggles for me was having to stop pumping breastmilk. I wanted to give you the best for as long as I could, but I just could not keep up with what you needed. So we transitioned to formula and Dr Petrusick put you on Soy formula. You eat about every 3 1/2 to 4 hours and you are up to about 7 ounces now. Your tummy is MUCH better and you are much happier. Poops are regular! Woohoo. No more constipation. So seeing you happy makes me happy:) 

You are smiling and laughing so much! You still enjoy talking to yourself in your crib watching your mobile. You giggle at rattles, noises, dancing, and any other silly things we do. Your dad loves to come home from work and make you laugh and grin! It is the best to watch you both together. 

On 5-14-13 you rolled over for the first time!! It was so awesome. And guess what? Daddy had just walked through the door and got to see it and we have it on video;) Tummy time is not something you enjoy at all, but I try to make it fun for the few minutes you allow :) 

You will put ANYTHING in your mouth. Some people feel the need to try and put their fingers in your mouth but I try and stop that. And I am very anal about germs and hand washing. One day you will learn that about me, but I am a nurse and I can't help it:) Your fingernails grow so fast! I have to cut them every other day. 

I still very much enjoy giving you a bath at night. You kick kick kick and smile! You go to bed about 9 and wake up about 6am. There is no guessing when you are tired. You let us know when you are ready for naps and bedtime by rubbing your eyes and getting fussy. Your naps don't last very long during the day. They are short and then you are ready to play again.  I still wake up in the middle of the night to check on you. 

You spend a lot of time with me during the week because I am not working a lot right now. We go to the gym and the ladies there love to watch you while I work out. We take many walks in the stroller. I try to change up what we do every day and introduce you to new activities.  We haven't found someone to watch you that is a perfect fit and that we can afford. But I enjoy EVERY moment with you and plus mommy does everything better anyway! You spend quality time with daddy when he gets home and on the weekends I work. 

So during this month a lot has happened, but every month just keeps getting better and better! As I reflect on all the joy and happiness you bring us, I could not imagine our life any other way. You are such a blessing from the Lord. 

   We visited nana and papa lew and you got to get in the lazy river for the 1st time! 

        Rockin' your cool shades!

            Mommy and Brynn:) 

                     Bath time fun! 

      Your first visit to the Sno Cap! One of the many stops we had from our visit to North Augusta 

You got to lay next to your great granny! 

You are such a happy baby all the time! 

Playing with toys and trying to put them all in your mouth! 

       Your happy faces in the morning! 

Love from your nonni in North Augusta 

   All the girls:) see where we get our good looks from ;) 

           Love from Pop pop

                 

                   3 month photos

Happy 2 Months baby Brynn!

You are growing so fast baby girl! The time is flying by and we are loving every minute we spend with you. I never want to be away from you and when I am away from you I can't wait to get back to you and your daddy! At your 2 month check up you weighed 12.6 pounds and were 23 inches long! Dr. P said you were doing great! You had to get several shots and you really took them like a champ and only cried for a few seconds. As soon as I picked you back up you quit crying. I took it worse than you did. 

You are interacting with us more and you will smile and coo at us! You also like for us to use some of your toys and rattles to entertain you. You have started to enjoy your swing now and will even fall asleep in it sometimes. Mommy has you on somewhat of a routine now which is great. In the morning we snuggle for a little while then I place you in your crib so you can watch your mobile and you love that! Sometimes you even stay in there for as long as an hour and half! Your eating every three to four hours now. You are sleeping through the night which is great! Every night we work on getting you to sleep on your own, but you haven't mastered that yet so you usually sleep with mommy. For your naps you usually get a little fussy and let me know your tired. I then place you in your boppy pillow with your Sleep Sheep and you fall asleep on your on. 

Have I mentioned that you are so strong?! You can almost hold your head up on your own and you enjoy sitting in your Bumbo seat. When we try and swaddle you, you get right out of that swaddle! You don't like for your hands to be covered up anymore so you can get to your thumb and or whole hand;) My cousin Michael recently told us about a sweet little treasure called the "Sleep Sheep" which makes a noise that is similar to the hair dryer! You love it! Mommy and daddy appreciate that so we don't have to run the hair dryer. Only when your tummy really hurts do we have to turn the hair dryer on now. Tummy time every day is not your favorite.  You tolerate it for a few minutes then you get frustrated. 

                                   Easter Sunday! First time going to NewSpring church was a success!

                                               You love me reading to you!

                                      You really enjoy walks with mommy!

                                        Aunt Kari joined us for a walk one day at the park!

                                           Sitting in your Bumbo seat;)

                                                           Tummy Time!                                                    

                Your first visit to Pawleys Island to see your nana and papa lew!

                    

                                                         First time on the beach in your stroller!

2 Month Photos!

Playing in your crib!