Dear Brynn,
So much has happened after you turned 5 months. I'd love to tell you all that has changed with you first.
You are still sleeping through the night. You are teething now and sometimes that makes you very cranky,but other than that you are a sweet sweet baby who hardly ever lets out a real cry. You are so happy and full of smiles and laughter all the time, especially with your daddy. The moment you see him your whole face lights up and you give the biggest grin.
Things you love::
Your tickle me Elmo
Your learning puppy
Playing in water!
Walks in the stroller
Jumperoo time!
Your wubbanubs-these are pacifiers with a small stuffed animal attached to them. They look funny, but we don't leave home without them!
You love to be nosey and need to see whatever is going on around you
You love your puppy Bo-even though he pees and poops on EVERYTHING we still keep him around because he gets you excited and he lets you pull his hair really hard!
You love putting things in your mouth- and i mean ANYTHING. Even hair. Especially Aunt Kari's, Courtney, and Kayla's. Their hair is really long and easily accessible. It actually looks very gross when you do this, but you get REALLY mad when we try and take the hair away.
You LOVE Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. You smile and giggle when this comes on TV. This makes your daddy and I very excited because one day soon we will take you to Disney World!
You love CoCo at your daycare. She keeps you giggling and smiling all day. There hasn't been a time yet that we have dropped you off or picked you up and you were unhappy. We know she takes great care of you.
Things you don't love:
People trying to hold you facing their shoulder or chest EXCEPT for your aunt Kari and Uncle Brandon. They have some magic touch and you will let them hold you so your cheek is on the their chest and you go right to sleep. It's amazing. I think they give you something to make this happen but I can't prove it.
You dislike being on your tummy for any length of time. This will change when you figure out how to crawl
You dislike teething. As do your daddy and I.
We have enjoyed every single moment with you and we soak them up every chance we get. It never gets old seeing you do new things. You can now almost sit up by yourself although you are still very wobbly. I had my first big "mom fail" this month. As we were walking out of your room you leaned back and I didn't realize the door was not open very wide and you hit your head. It was terrible. I shed tears. You shed tears, but only for a moment. I am pretty sure you forgave me. I just can't get enough of you my sweet baby girl. I am very protective of you and if it offends anyone I have lost my sense of caring about that because you come first.
Now for the hard part. As I write this I know tears will fall and it will be difficult, but one day I know you will be more than grateful I did this for you.
On the morning of July 15th, my granny (your great grandmother) passed away.
We went to visit her several times while she was ill. She loved seeing you. You made her smile so much. You were "Bree" to her. I would say "Granny her name is Brynn" and even spell it out for her. She would say okay then call you "Bree" again. I quit correcting her because I just thought it was sweet that was who you were to her.
She was a beautiful person inside and out, Brynn. She gave more than she ever received. She always made sure that her family wasn't without. She was a Christian lady that I aspire to be like. She never complained. She played the piano and organ beautifully. She had the best homemade biscuits. She could always make me smile and laugh. I miss her oh so much and wish she could watch you grow up. I will miss her "hey hun" as I walk through the door at her house. She lived a beautiful and happy life.
On the morning of July 27th, your grandpa,Tom Kersbergen, passed away. This was sudden and very unexpected. We are still grieving so much. It is very hard for your dad most days, but he is so strong and you keep us going. Your grandpa loved you so very much. He was so very happy the day you came home from the hospital and he got to hold you in his arms. He loved his family more than we could ever imagine. He did so much for his family, the community, and his church. He served so many people and left impacts that will last a lifetime. I shared many conversations with him about life, God, and the changes that he had made. I learned so much from him even though I only knew him for 6 years. His bear hugs were the BEST. When he gave hugs, you were really getting the best hug ever. You knew he meant it and loved you. I will miss those hugs. There were many times that I needed them and he didn't even realize what that did for me. His cooking was AMAZING.
He would have done anything in the world for you, my dear. He has the best seat in the house watching you from Heaven above today. Our goal is to raise you in such a way that would make him proud and reflect the Christian values that your father and I have. The day we had his funeral, I don't think anyone had a clue of the number of people he had an impact on. There wasn't a dry eye or a seat left unfilled.
These two losses had me questioning God. I could not understand why this would happen to me or our family. I felt like we needed both of these people in our lives still. Why did God take them away? My sweet girl, in life there will be many times you wonder why things happen and you may even question God. I was reminded during these last few weeks that is is completely okay to ask God why. Remember to ask God why with open hands and not clinched fists. We should not be angry at God for anything He does because in ALL things, not some, but ALL things God works for the good of those who love Him.(Romans 8:28). His ways are good and He will never forsake us no matter what shall come our way. He became present to me more so than ever these past few weeks. My faith has been taken to another level. I have seen God move in so many ways that will forever have an impact on my heart. Although these two passings were extremely hard, God has a reason and through it so much good has come. His work is not done. He is still moving. My sweet angel, I want you to know that these two amazing people loved you so much more than you could ever imagine and are watching over you. In life, there will be hard times, but remember this:: Ask God to show up...to show you His face and glory...and He will... In BIG ways! No matter what shall happen, His love for you is steadfast and never changing. Your daddy and I will do whatever we can to teach you and show you that love.
"Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted" -Matthew 5:4
Brokenness is the means in which God performs some of His deepest work within our hearts. A.W. Tozer once said, "It is doubtful whether God can bless a man greatly until he has hurt him deeply."
The LORD is near to the brokenhearted
and saves the crushed in spirit. (Psalm 34:18)
